12 February 2009

Apple Cares

A friend of mine recently posted complaints to her blog regarding what she described as "missing features" of the iPhone 3G. A short while later she received the following somewhat troubling response from Apple customer service via email. The contents of which are posted below. 

Hi, my name is John and I work for Apple. I discovered your blog posts and thought I might respond to a few of your concerns. 

Apple does not supply an Instant Messaging client as a native iPhone App. However, there are several available from the iTunes App store. I might suggest the AOL IM App. This App will indeed keep you logged in for a period of time once your iPhone 3G enters sleep mode. I believe it is at least one hour so that you will receive any messages sent during that period. The App also supports groups. And, it is free.

Regarding the lack of App switching. Apps are generally prohibited from running simultaneously for several reasons. The first of which is battery life. The second reason is RAM. In comparison to your previous phone, iPhone Apps and programs are significantly more processor and RAM intensive. So to prevent users from accidentally crashing their phones by having several large applications open at once- Apple has chosen to limit this functionality. 

To address another of your concerns regarding navigating on the iPhone 3G. There is a shortcut you may not be aware of that will make it much easier to navigate between multiple pages of Apps. You don't have to finger swipe "scroll" between screens on your iPhone 3G. Simply tap the screen bottom left or bottom right depending on which way you want to go. This may alleviate a bit of your perceived "frustration" in that area. 

Here at Apple we always strive to address the concerns of our customers and we consider feedback such as yours a valuable part of our process as we seek to update and enhance product functionality. Actually, if you believe that the rumors are true, many of your concerns may be addressed in our next generation iPhone and possibly via firmware update to iPhone 3G. But, shhh...you didn't hear that from us. 

However, don't kid yourself. We are Apple, and you are a young white liberal female. We own you. Our products are irresistibly captivating and cool. 

Furthermore, you need us so that you can feel cutting edge and look trendy in front of your tattooed and granola crunching new age hipster eco-geek friends. So again, while we value your feedback, we would strongly urge you to stop with your whining, shut up, and open your mouth so we can put it back in. There. That's better. 


Apple Customer Care

(In case you hadn't figured it out, this email is fictitious. However, it is based on true events. Namely, a prank that I pulled on a friend. With friends like me, who needs enemies. . .)

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  1. Anonymous said...

    hahahaha, this is great!